a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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