Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
