I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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