R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
