hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
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What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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