i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
