There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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