you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
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Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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