White coat. Heels.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
