I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just gargled with NyQuil
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
