Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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