You can't motorboat a personality
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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