Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
