Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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