You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
