You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize