Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
