I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
