i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
