sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
