the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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