I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
