You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I CAN MOONWALK!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
