i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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