Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
