I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
