i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
