He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
