haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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