Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize