I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
