Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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