We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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