paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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