I'm jealous of your bromance
I cut my penus on the lid.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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