Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
