every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
