and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
