My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Randomize
