my vag is so smooth its legendary
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
