just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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