what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
