I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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