dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
