i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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