just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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