So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Blood and glitter go together right?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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