I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
