i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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