if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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