apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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