he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
