I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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