my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
