Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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