Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
