The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my being single is dangerous.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize