Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dicks are not precious.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
