Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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