No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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