its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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