I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We need to get me chipped asap
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
