If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
