her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
