Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
