I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
