Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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