Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
