my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
