And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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