If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
