At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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