Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
